And here it begins. The all important wedding budget...

So the boy and I got engaged last Christmas in a very sweet snuggle and gift exchange session at our house. I had gone ring shopping with the boy and wasn't surprised, but it was very emotional and sweet for me and like all newly engaged girls that I talk to, it took a while to stop being distracted by the sparkles on my ring (we like to say it's our ring, I just get to wear it). The boy still likes seeing it from across the room. Visual proof of our love. And reminder that we have a large, expensive party to plan, fraught with potential guest list wars, religious wars, wars of the mothers in law, mothers and daughters. and the sister of the groom who is to be bridesmaid of the daughter currently avoiding mother. And there's a dog.


And it will take money. A great deal more money than I initially imagined. We live in a small house in a small yard in a biggish city. But our yard is full of sun and roses and comfy patio furniture. The Neighbor right next to us has a much bigger yard and a fancy part time job where nice men in white trucks come to videotape the Neighbor while he weeds and mows and plants and does various other amazing landscaping and gardening feats. It's all HGTV up in there and The Neighbor has agreed to let us take over his yard for a wedding. We thought this would be simple. With the location (and flowers!) taken care of, we'd splurge on some kicking live jazz, get some good food and have an old fashioned garden party, courtesy of Trader Jo's so well priced wine.

So. Engagement in December. Enjoyment in January. And February. March as well. April, we talked a little with the Neighbor about the plans. We talked more about the need to replace the fence between our properties and how to prune roses. In May we talked about both the cold temperatures and the early blooming roses. June we talked about the heat. July, the bugs. August, the rain. September, the holidays. October, the Christmas photo shoot the Neighbor had just had in his house. Oh, and we talked just a little about the wedding. And then I went to a wedding fair and realized that the June 2010 wedding that I had been vaguely considering (my roses look the best in June) should have been in the beginning planning stages early last year. Of course, I wasn't engaged then. Wedding fairs are not fun. Other than the people watching and patient bartenders and the sheer artistry and lack of thoughtful design involved with building an entire bar made of ice.

While I didn't particularly enjoy the wedding show, I certainly came back with a deep-seated need to have a photobooth at my wedding. Also, I had a large paper sack full of brochures that, if magically converted back into the cash the vendors had paid to have them printed, could easily finance our entire wedding, including the pony rides that I really want, but worry might be a little tacky. And require a city permit. I also returned from the wedding show finally accepting that if we do want to get married in June on anything other than a Sunday afternoon in a strip mall in Chanhassan, I will, indeed, need to start planning. And as any girl who's even had a cursory glance at the prominent wedding literature can tell you, what we needed to do was:
Step 1, Set priorities.
Step 2, set a budget.
Step 3, see what part of the budget parents will provide; and
Step 4, allocate budget according to priorities.
Easy.

I downloaded a budget template from a popular wedding website that shall KNOT be named. I am a wizard with Excel and figured I'd make it work. Instead, I considered a contemplative pilgrimage to, you know, Mitchell, South Dakota. Where the corn palace is. Some time to consider who I am, my needs. Apparently, according to the downloaded budget, I needed to have at least five line items relating to my hair. Trial runs, day of, veils, fascinators (I honestly don't know what that is), crown jewels. The budget spreadsheet stopped me cold in my tracks and I turned back to where I had come from. Happily in love with the boy who will someday be my husband. We love each other, why even plan a wedding?

Dilly dallying aside. Once I started paying attention, and stopped freaking myself out using tools provided from websites that clearly were not made for girls like me, I sat down and started my own budget template. I am very much a planner from little to big. List things I think we'd like. Add in some things likely to be fancy, some things the boy will love, things the girl can't live without. Things that will keep it from being too weird. Call some vendors and ask an endless stream of inane questions that sound more like statements than questions and confuse said vendors who are used to working with professionals, wedding planners and perfect, prepared girls who have bridal binders organized with tabs.

I started to fill in numbers, take out a few. Split the columns into 'must have' and 'wish list' considered taking some items out to put into my 'personal' budget. Rejected that idea, as financial pea-under-the-shell game not being a strong base on which to build a marriage.

Finally tonight talked in more depth with the Boy. He'd seen the spreadsheet. He knew what I've been up to, planning, planning, planning the last few weeks. He was eager (well, willing is probably the better word) to look at the menus from the caterer (our by far largest expense) and possibly schedule a tasting.

I tried to present well. Not too many details, or he gets confused. We took some time crossing off food on the sample menues that was too icky sounding, messy or intimidating for our family to try. We got a little excited that we could make it work. Then he saw a full quote that includes the kids table ($11 times 22 kids...) 3 servers ($375), 1 chef ($175, and unless he cooks up our basset hound on the spot, we're not sure whey we need a chef), one bartender ($112, 4 hours, open 50 bottles of Trader Jo wine. Try to head off the mother of the bride from that last glass). Also, a 18% surcharge (NOT A TIP!!) and 7% tax. The estimate, I have to admit, was a little overwhelming even to me. And I heard it's dulcet tones a few days ago. The Boy just met it tonight.

There was much gnashing of teeth, tense hugs, long dog walk to talk things out. What do we want? How do we budget? If we cut the budget in half, can we get ANYTHING we really want?

All good questions. I hope we can answer them soon.

In the meantime, here are some blog posts from Those Who Have Gone Before that I find comforting, inspiring and wise.... The Two Thousand Dollar Budget Wedding from Conception to Inception and A Practical Wedding - A New Way to Think About Budgets.